Business Time

I've been giving thought as to how I would begin this post for a few weeks now. Basically what it comes down to is that I need to give thanks. You see, I'm blessed in so many ways that I don't dare begin to list them here for fear that you will stop loving me and you'll just want to be friends. And lets face it, nobody wants that. The crazy thing is that on top of all the blessings in my life I am continually impressed, amazed and amused with the small normal everyday things that any Joe Schmedlap likely takes for granted.

For example, a few weekends ago we were over at one of my very favorite places in the entire world - Crescent Bar. Wife, Brian, Cory and I were hanging out on the deck in the morning just after breakfast and before beer o'clock when one of the coolest and most amusing events occurred right before our eyes. We were sitting around the giant cribbage table (which I made) and two flies calmly landed on the table. See, right now you are wondering where the heck I'm going with this and you need to chill out! Guy Fly then proceeded to mount Girl Fly and give her the business right there in front of us on the giant cribbage table!

At this point I'm sure you are picturing two flies quickly landing on a table, touching and then hurriedly flying away...not so much. Guy Fly gave Girl Fly the business doggy style for literally ten minutes right there in front of us. As you can see in the picture below, we were right there watching from a foot away! Girl Fly was really into it. She would reach back and stroke Guy Fly on the cheek and chest to let him know he was doing a good job. Meanwhile Guy Fly would slap Girl Fly on the ass every now and then. You could tell he was really enjoying himself. I'm also nearly certain he was enjoying the fact that he was putting on a show. I particularly enjoy how you can see Guy Fly's hips in action in this shot. I don't think I've ever even seen a fly this close in my entire life let alone while they're humping!

Anyway, I'm sorry to say that my initial cell phone picture just did not do the scene justice. Thankfully Brian grabbed a good camera and got a nice quality shot that I can share with you.

I'm not sure about you but I always assumed that flies just humped in like two seconds and moved along. I did not know they settled down for some good old fashioned business time.

Awesomeness in Everett, WA - This Can't Be Topped

I'm not normally one to be at a loss for words so this is a little strange for me. Earlier today I was on my way home. On the way to the freeway I saw this building in downtown Everett. I had to pull off to the side of the road to take the picture or I would have killed somebody. Or even worse, I could have gotten a ticket.

I think it'll be best for everyone if I just let you take a loot at the photograph first:

This picture brings so many things to mind I don't know where to begin so I'm just gonna let em rip:

1. WOW!
2. Really?
3. Really?
4. REALLY?
5. Who, in their right mind, would take their kids to get pictures taken with Santa at this establishment? Check that - who in their right mind would let their kids NEAR THIS BUILDING?!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
6. I think my favorite part of the photo is the bottom of the sign where it reads: "OR STOP IN..." Really? "Hey, this place looks legit! Let's take the kids on over for some pictures with Santa! It's bound to be a great time!"
7. Do people actually call the number to make reservations for pictures with Santa at this location? Seriously?
8. Wouldn't you have to be raising some pretty darn stupid kids for them to believe that Santa was actually in THIS building? Isn't Santa only at the mall?
9. Can anyone really just open up a store that specializes in exclusively Santa Photos? Shouldn't you have to have a very specific and highly regulated license for this particular line of work?
10. Do you think there are elves inside that building? Do you think one of them is a huge elf like Will Ferrell?
11. Is it possible that the people who opened this joint were actually well intentioned people but merely had the worst marketing campaign ever and inadvertently twisted their wholesome idea into one that looked like a molester's workshop? Do you think anyone in the history of history has used the phrase "molester's workshop?"
12. Does this photo firmly cement me as the greatest cell phone photographer in history?

These are the questions that will keep me up tonight...on second thought, no they won't. I'm gonna sleep just fine...laughing at the thought of the "Santa Photos" photo! Ahhhhhh hahahahahaahahahah!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!