9 x Awesome:

It's the middle of winter, the weather sucks, the economy REALLY sucks, I think we are at war with one or more countries or people or ideas or something, I got a flat tire on the freeway last week at 6:55am on the way to work (super fun), and to top it all off the rapidly improving Sonics are still hijacked and playing in Oklahoma City.

"So what's your point Jerk Store" you ask?

My point is that it's pretty easy to feel a little down right now. Since being down sucks balls, here are some things that are awesome and are sure to improve your attitude:

1. Play-doh - having a daughter has gotten me back into Play-doh and frankly I can't believe how awesome it is. To think it's been missing from my life for 20+ years saddens me. I also can't come up with a reason why we didn't have a big stash of Play-doh at our house in college. The thought of drunken Play-doh makes me giddy.
   
2. March Madness - it's only January, yet I'm already getting excited for the NCAA Tournament.
   
3. The Five Star Dump - this is a dump taken at work when you get the handicapped stall (star #1), the toilet paper has been put on correctly in an "over the top" fashion (star #2 and also a topic worthy of it's own post. Hmmm...), it's a nice comfortable and obviously diarrhea-less poo (star #3) and last but not least, you have a brand new Sports Guy column to read (star #4 plus a bonus star making it a vaunted 5 Star Dump). If you haven't experienced one, I could not recommend a Five Star Dump more highly.
   
4. The fact that Lloyd Free changed his name to World B. Free in 1980 - he was also an AWESOME basketball player averaging over 20 a game for his career peaking with a 30-4-4 season in 1979-80.
   
5. That I'm NOT an accountant this time of year.
   
6. Whiskey.
7. The Mariners offseason - we signed Chone Figgins, we traded for Cliff Lee, got rid of fat turd Carlos Silva (it doesn't even matter who we got for him but...) for Milton Bradley (who is a good player when healthy and not crazy), extended Franklin Gutierrez, traded for Casey Kotchman and re-signed Felix Hernandez. Now go get Ben Sheets and find another hitter and we may have a legit shot at the playoffs...which is nice.
   
8. Turd Ferguson
9. Laughing at farts - literally every single time I fart my daughter says, "daddy toot!" and then laughs hysterically. My wife then gets mad which makes us both laugh even harder. Farting is so funny. I also love the fact that babies think farting is hilarious which proves that farting is inherently funny.